Know yer wummin

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S  PERSONAL ADS

40-ish                          -      49

Adventurous                -      Slept with everyone

Athletic                        -      No tits

Average  looking          -      Ugly

Beautiful                      - Pathological  liar

Contagious Smile        -    Does a lot of pills

Emotionally  secure      -      On  medication

Feminist                      -      Fat

Free spirit                    -      Junkie

Friendship first            -      Former very  *friendly* person

Fun            -        Annoying

New  Age                    -      Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded              -      Desperate

Outgoing                    -      Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate                  -      Sloppy

drunk

Professional                -        *****

Voluptuous                  -      Very Fat

Large frame                  -        Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate        -        Stalker

WOMEN'S  ENGLISH:

1.  Yes      =  No

2.  No      =  Yes

3.  Maybe    =          No

4.  We  need =        I want

5. I am  sorry =      you'll be sorry

6. We need to  talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go  ahead = you better not

8. Do what you  want = you will pay for this  later

9. I am not  upset = Of course I am upset, you  moron!

10. You're very  attentive tonight  =  is sex all  you ever think about?

MEN'S  ENGLISH

1. I am  hungry

=      I am hungry

2. I am  sleepy

=        I am sleepy

3. I am  tired

=        I am tired

4. Nice  dress

=        Nice cleavage!

5. I love  you

=        let's have sex now

6. I am  bored

=        Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this  dance?

=        I'd like to have sex with  you

8. Can I  call you  sometime?

=        I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a  movie?

=        I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to  dinner?

=        I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that  outfit

=      I'm  gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study  found that women find

different male faces  attractive  depending on where

they are in their  menstrualcycle .

For  example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a

man  with rugged,  masculine features.

However when she is  menstruating, she prefers a man

doused in petrol and set  on fire, with scissorsstuck in

his eye and a  cricket stump shoved up his backside.

[tm4tj]

I am too afraid to laugh

Oh fork it :015: :015: :015:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

hi there....

i'm a 40ish, Adventurous, Beautiful, Emotionally secure, new age, free spirited, Voluptuous woman....

looking for a 30ish, Athletic, open minded, soul mate.....

any offers?  :005:

[Johnboy]

That rather proves IHE's point - He obviously knows a wee bit more about "wummin" than he knows about football....  :015: :015:

[tm4tj]

Hey.............I'm yer Mann FW.

[Alex MacLeod]

oh my!!!

hi there....

i'm a 40ish, Adventurous, Beautiful, Emotionally secure, new age, free spirited, Voluptuous woman....

looking for a 30ish, Athletic, open minded, soul mate.....

any offers?  :005:

Aye, i know of a fellow in Carrbridge, Iain something I think. He'd be right up your street :003:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

oh gosh, i have a choice of TWO.... this chap ian and the manni.....

so many men, so little time!  :015:

[tm4tj]

I don't need long.

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

so that wifie at the meal told me! heeeee  :015: :023:

[Alex MacLeod]

I go very slow and steady nowadays...................................................got to with eleven points on my license :007: