A poor football joke

[CaleyJulz]

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of

their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and

we played Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed.

"Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all

possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound

sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to

him,"

"Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly.

"Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,"insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe.

"I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.

Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.

Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Mike.

"It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

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"You're playing Tuesday."

[Guest donmac298]

What's the difference between a joiner and a carpenter?

A joiner works with wood, a carpenter - paints cars!

[Heilandee]

Two fat men standing in the pub, one says to the other

"your round"

the other one replies

"so are you you fat B******"

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

A man and a giraffe get pished in a pub.

The giraffe collapses on the floor pished.

The barman says "Hey. Whats that lying down there".

The man says "Thats no a lion, its a giraffe.

How do you stop a County fan from drowning.

Take your foot off his head.

[The Mantis]

A man in a pub wi a dug is talking to a man without a dug (Douglas was his name).

Douglas says to the other man "I bet you £50 your dug will do anything I tell it"

The other man says "you're on".

Douglas picks up the dug, flings it on the fire and shouts "get off that fire boy!"

[Yngwie]

Is that the same dug that was a blacksmith?

Made a bolt for the door.......

[Johnboy]

A man in a pub wi a dug is talking to a man without a dug (Douglas was his name).

Douglas says to the other man "I bet you £50 your dug will do anything I tell it"

The other man says "you're on".

Douglas picks up the dug, flings it on the fire and shouts "get off that fire boy!"

So did they both finish up Dug~less..?