Financial Meltdown

[Tichy_Blacks_Back]

Quote of the day - "This is worse than a divorce , I've lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife ..."

Recently overhead on the trading floor of a large bank at Canary Wharf.

[Charles Bannerman]

Quote of the day - "This is worse than a divorce , I've lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife ..."

Recently overhead on the trading floor of a large bank at Canary Wharf. :thumb04:

On that subject, I think these financial indices have just GOT to be female. In fact today they have been positively premenstrual!

Edited October 10, 2008 by Charles Bannerman

[Heilandee]

Think this story taks the biscuit,national debt board no big enough FFS!!!!!........

New board please.....

Glad i nvested my fortune in drink,weemin and nights oot and didnae waste it

[clacher_holiday2]

I predict the US presidential election wont take place until next year..

What odds somebody willing to give me on that to a ?100 stake?

[Yngwie]

I'd give 10/1, but after the losses I've made recently I won't be able to pay up if you're right. Would you accept Bradford & Bingley shares? Or Northern Rock? RBS? Tell you what, I'll give you Iceland instead.

[Tichy_Blacks_Back]

Where does ICT keep its money - McScratch and Save?

I suppose they do not need to worry as they don't have more than ?50K in the bank - not like the players

Wednesday, October 01, 2008 - Irish Post

Bank leaks footballer?s details

A BUSINESSWOMAN walked into a Newcastle bank and walked out with Ireland goalkeeper Shay Given?s personal details.

Shop owner Jacqueline Cooper was given the confidential statement by mistake after requesting a mini-statement.

The 41-year-old returned to her newsagents opposite the Allied Irish Bank without reading it.

She explained: ?I didn?t look at it straight away ? I put it in the drawer.

?But when I looked and saw the amount of money involved I thought, ?there?s something wrong here?.

?I was panicking until I noticed it was Shay Given?s name at the top and not mine. ?I told my husband Cliff, who?s a Newcastle United nut, and he couldn?t believe it either.?

The bank has now launched an investigation. Newcastle?s Shay Given was shocked to hear his personal details had been leaked but the Donegal man declined to comment for legal reasons. Mother-of-two Mrs Cooper believes the mistake was a human error.

She said: ?I went in and just asked for my last few transactions on my bank statement because my account customers sometimes pay by cheque and I wanted to check a bill had been paid.

?I think maybe Shay?s statement must have been left lying around on the printer and when they went to print mine out, they got mixed up. ?But I don?t really know what happened.?

A spokeswoman at the AIB UK head office in Uxbridge, Middlesex, said: ?Customer confidentiality means that we would never make any comment on our customers? affairs. We are very concerned.? :thumb04:

[clacher_holiday2]

I'd give 10/1, but after the losses I've made recently I won't be able to pay up if you're right. Would you accept Bradford & Bingley shares? Or Northern Rock? RBS? Tell you what, I'll give you Iceland instead.

10/1? Jesus Christ, I'd hate to be in your bookies, surely thats a 33's bet?

[Heilandee]

Once upon a time, in a village near you, a CEO appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for ?10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around and money to be made, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The CEO bought thousands at ?10 but, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. To counteract this decline the CEO announced that he would now buy monkeys at ?20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to ?25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The CEO now announced that he would buy monkeys at ?100 each! However, since he had to go to the city on business, his financial director would buy on his behalf.

In the absence of the CEO, the financial director told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the CEO has collected. I will sell them to you at ?50 and when the CEO returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for ?100 each, thus making 100% profit."

The villagers hurried round with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the CEO nor his financial director again, only monkeys!

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Now you know exactly how the stock market and the banking system works.

[Tichy_Blacks_Back]

So true and on a similar note....

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief If The Coming Winter Was Going To Be Cold Or Mild.

Since He Was A Chief In A Modern Society He Had Never Been Taught The Old Secrets. When He Looked At The Sky He Couldn't Tell What The Winter Was Going To Be Like.

Nevertheless, To Be On The Safe Side, He Told His Tribe That The Winter Was Indeed Going To Be Cold And That The Members Of The Village Should Collect Firewood To Be Prepared.

But Being A Practical Leader, After Several Days He Got An Idea. He Went To The Phone Booth, Called The National Weather Service And Asked, "is The Coming Winter Going To Be Cold?"

"it Looks Like This Winter Is Going To Be Quite Cold," The Meteorologist At The Weather Service Responded.

So The Chief Went Back To His People And Told Them To Collect Even More Firewood In Order To Be Prepared.

A Week Later He Called The National Weather Service Again. "does It Still Look Like It Is Going To Be A Very Cold Winter?"

"yes," The Man At National Weather Service Again Replied, "it's Going To Be A Very Cold Winter."

The Chief Again Went Back To His People And Ordered Them To Collect Every Scrap Of Firewood They Could Find.

Two Weeks Later The Chief Called The National Weather Service Again. "are You Absolutely Sure That The Winter Is Going To Be Very Cold?"

Absolutely," The Man Replied. "it's Looking More ! And More Like It Is Going To Be One Of The Coldest Winters We've Ever Seen."

"How Can You Be So Sure?" The Chief Asked.

The Weatherman Replied, "the Indians Are Collecting Firewood Like Crazy."

[Action Man]

Q. What is the Capital of Iceland?

A. ?3.50.