My mate

[Drochit Blue]

has just started a Bonsai tree business

He's doing so well, he's had to move into smaller premises.... :D

how about a thread of terrible jokes?

[+Wanderer]

Did you hear about the 2 Spanish firemen?

Jose

and

Hose B

:D

[PullMyFinger]

2 dogs talking in aberdeen for ages when one says to the other, my masters calling. I'm awa'. so the other dog peed on him.

[ICTFCkev]

What do ya get hangin from pear trees?

Sore Arms. :D

[+Wanderer]

Did you hear about the Aberdonian found dead on the 'pay as you leave' bus?

[CaleyMad]

Did you hear about the Aberdonian found dead on the 'pay as you leave' bus?

No. . . . what about him?

[The Mantis]

Did you hear about the Aberdonian found dead on the 'pay as you leave' bus?

[+Gringo]

If Federation Express and UPS merged would they be known as FedUp ?

[Dmacca]

How do penguins drink their cola?

On the rocks :021:

[caley100]

Whats the difference between the Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen farmer?

The Rolling stones sang ' hey you get offa my cloud '

The abrdeen farmer said ' hey mcleod get offa ma ewe '

[Alex MacLeod]

I was flying down to London a couple of weeks ago. This beautiful woman was sat beside me. She was reading an article in a magazine entitled 100 things you never new about sex. She caught me trying to read over her shoulder and starting chatting. She says "Did you know that the American Indian has, on average, the longest penis". I hadn't known that. Then she asks "Did you know that the Scots have the thickest penis"? I never knew that either. She say "Did you know the Welsh have the strongest thrust behind their penis"? No I says. We got chatting and she says "I'm Susie, whats your name"? Quick as a flash I replies "Tonto McTavish but my mates call me Taff".

[+Gringo]

Some bloke knocked my door the other day and asked "Do you want your shed re tarred" and I said no. Bestard nicked me shed.

[+Gringo]

Bloke went to the doctors and said "I think I'm shrinking" doc said "You'll just have to be a little patient then" :)