A dodgy joke

[Dmacca]

A pine cone walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey.

The landlord says fxxk off im not serving you,

your out of your tree

[Johnboy]

This might not be very PC in this day & age.....

A black guy, really black.... walks into a bar with a parrot perched on his head.....

"Where the f... did you get that from".... shouts the barman.....

"Africa"... Squawks the parrot.... there's millions of them out there......

:023:

[Dmacca]

This might not be very PC in this day & age.....

A black guy, really black.... walks into a bar with a parrot perched on his head.....

"Where the f... did you get that from".... shouts the barman.....

"Africa"... Squawks the parrot.... there's millions of them out there......

:023:

A cracker JB and ill defend our right to that sort of humour at all cost, after all we hear about the Englishman,Scotsman,Irishman and Welshman, nobody would even give a thought to those type jokes being anything other than that.........second thoughts though in this screwed up easily offended politically correct world we seem to be living in, perhaps there may be a few who would see a different meaning even to that.

Macca

[+jagster]

What do you call a black man being chased by 100 white men

The PGA tour

[absent friend]

The school teacher(nosey old bird) 'Now children what does your daddy do?''

John-  He is a joiner miss... Teacher -Very good with his hands I suppose

Fred -  He is a mininster miss....Teacher -We need them all in this bad age we live in!

George - He is a Banker miss .. Teacher -Oh a man of finance George, very good!

Kenneth - He is an exotic dancer miss, he goes out at 8 at night, goes to a club, takes his clothes off and rubs cream all over his body.  He then dances and the men put bank notes into his little thong. If they put enough money his way, he goes home with them and has sex miss.

Teacher - Let us go outside into the corridor for a moment Kenneth.

Outside - I am sorry I asked you that in front of the class Kenneth.

Kenneth - So am I miss, you see he is not an exotic dancer, he is a professional cricketer, playing for England but I'm not going to tell the class that!!

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her purse, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman replied.

Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked

"No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money, instead I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself, tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded!

"Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting," the woman replied,

"That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really

know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you Informed, the

definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, Being met

by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you Still

cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, Smelling of

perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on The

butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically

speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately

result in death.

[Heilandee]

FW,ya used that one the last time you sent me home smelling of beer and perfume with lipstick on my collar  :001:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

so did you have balls or guts then?  :015: :015: :015:

[Action Man]

He used to have both before going home that night... :015:

[Heilandee]

:015: :015: :015:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

does this hapen on your bus CD?  :015:

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for the bus.  As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was friends."

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

got some very funny pics if someone can show me how to get them on here!!!  :024:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

IT v Mangement ...

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am", replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f******g fault."