Job application

[+Gringo]

I think this has been around for a while but it's still good....

B & Q JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to

B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME:

Kenneth Way(Grumpy Bestard)

SEX:

Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will

cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:

Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's

available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the

first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:

£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy

package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:

A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP

TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that

runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? :

I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday

Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamaswith a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big

tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:

7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes, absolutely.

[CaleyJulz]

I see you put your latest job application on here for us all to see Gringo !!!  :rotflmao:

[RonnieRayGun]

'Of what?' - Genius :021: