Joining a gym??

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

My bosses have told me that if I am to continue being a trainer in Care and Responsibility or Control and Restraint as it used to be known or How to deck a raging Lunatic in Craig Dunain terms .. that .. I have to join a local NHS sponsored Gym .. and do their feckin "circuits" THREE times per week. They are offering to subsidise me and if I dont I will lose a bit of the spondoolachs. I tried to explain that I can usually talk down anyone, or feckin bore them, before I have to use restraint but they say they need conditioned trainers.

What the feck do I do. my belly is ma copyright. What if ma kilt gets too big?? :019: :019: :019: :019:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

tell them you do resistance training with me three times a week and you'll maybe get a wage rise! :015:

[caley100]

'that .. I have to join a local NHS sponsored Gym .. and do their feckin "circuits" THREE times per week. '

:015: :015: :015: :015:

Hint hint eh?

Will they pay you overtime to attend?

Go to the sessions, dont work too hard, just eye up the talent working hard-all the sweaty female bodies etc etc.

[KingBeastie]

You'll enjoy it once you start mate. :003:

Honest! :016:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Started last night and yer both spot on. Hurt ma neck though on the travellator as the lady beside me was fair bobbing as she jogged along. :015: :015:

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

i TOLD you to look away and stop STARING at me! :014: :018:

[Yompa]

Feck me... The NHS are providing free Highland March Training for the almost 50s now... What's the fecking world coming to? :011: :011: :011: :011:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Heres hoping fer Stranraer AWAY.

[DJS]

DO the images on yer post give us some clues to the exercises in your programme?

As a recent starter at the gym maself I would reassure IHE that while the arms and legs will show impressive improvement the gut remains its usual impressive self.

But surely, Johndo, these were fake man boobs under yer ICT shirt all the time.

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

As ya know DJS I am a different man down South!! When I cross the border I always don ma "disguise" which has done me proud fer years.

Have ya never heard of feckin ABS man?? :006:

[DJS]

that's some six pack! :015:

[KingBeastie]

Have ya never heard of feckin ABS man??

'Course he has - he's a driving instructor!

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Well. So feckin mucho fer the gym and feckin fitness. I have ruptured ma achilles tendon and I am in plaster up to ma feckin knee for 8-10 weeks. I am doubtful fer the start of the season. I need one of them oxygen tanks.

[caley100]

Probably chasing the bird round the rowing machine and tripped.... not a fast as ya used to be ;D

[Guest Interthenet]

IHE, I never know when you're on the feckin wind-up mate, but let's assume for a minute that you have done your achilles... that's a bad one, especially for a bloke of your advanced years...  ;) Mrs Yompa has a pal who did her's Scottish Country dancing a few years back and it was fully two years before she was fully mobile and able to stuff like running again (not that you'll be going to extrames like that of course).

Of course you could always sue the gym for insufficient instruction...  >:(

[+Gringo]

Sorry to hear that Johndo...here's wishing you a speedy recovery.

At least you'll be able to enjoy the World Cup now eh?....  ;D

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

If this weekend is enuff to go by. Sitting in the blazing sun, being spoilt, sipping ice cold voddies - I will be the fattest feckin instructor on the planet. I was actually playing feckin tennis at the time!! I am going to stick to the gym, swimming and the sauna in future.

Feck me. I will have to check the tennis court out fer aquifer activity. It is rite beside the canal.  :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Guest Lauraness]

the tennis courts here are pants!!!

[Yompa]

I was a frequent visitor to the Sports Injuries Clinic when I lived in Cumbernauld and on one occasion, the doc was telling me that the number one sport for snapped achilles tendons is badminton, the reason being that the lunging forward form the back of the court puts an enormous strain on the calf and hence the achilles.

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament old chap and I wish you a speedy recovery. I suggest yow take up bowls in future...  :o

[tm4tj]

Playing tennis at your age.  Whats an old git like you playing a game for public schoolboys ya fekkin ponce.

Get a grasp man, sort yersel oot.  Of course, it does mean you can sit at home during the world cup and sip a few chilled voddies, how unfortunate, never mind.  Strangely enough, I b/ggered mine playing badminton a few years ago.  The hall I was in did not have sprung flooring therefore there was no give in the boards, the only thing that did give was my achilles tendon.  Sore for weeks, not much fun.

Anyway, this is what I want you to do if you want to make the start of the season.

The treatment options for a complete rupture of the tendon include surgery followed by casting, or casting alone. There are advantages and disadvantages to each technique and the options should be discussed with your physician. With surgery, the tendon is either reattached to the calcaneal bone (if it has been pulled off or avulsed) or the two ends are sewn together is the tendon has been torn in two.  In most people, a cast is applied after surgery until healing is complete. Each patient must be considered individually. There are many reasons why a person may not be a suitable candidate for a surgical repair of the injury. These include, but are not limited to: poor circulation, presence of skin problems at the site of the injury, age (old gits take longer), a sedentary lifestyle (fat bestard), other medical conditions (nutter) that make the person a poor candidate for surgery (such as heart or lung problems). If the injury is treated non-operatively, then a cast is applied until healing is complete. The length of time required for healing is highly variable. Often it may take as long as six months for complete healing to occur. Drinking copious amounts of vodka will dull the pain and transfer any soreness away from the affected area and onto the head, repeat dosage as necessary.

[f*ballers wife]

the tennis courts here are pants!!!

oh my!!!

but are we MEANT to wear pants for tennis.... ooopsy, that's where i've been going wrong! ??? :- :-*

[Yompa]

The Captain's unfortunate injury begs the question... "how the fvck do you get a wheelchair onto the submarine (and indeed, how the fvck do you get the bvgger out again in an emergency)?

Will IHE be banned from his own feckin ship by H&S regs?

We shall see....

;)

[Interthenet Jnr]

Course he'll still be on HMS Sneck. So long as he doesn't start asking, "want that one" and "Yeah ano" ;D

Infact that looks like you Yompa in your older days pushing the wheel chair. A new partnership could be born ;)

[Yompa]

Certainly does look a bit like my graduation photo but I dunno about IHE and Coco the Clown!  :015: :015: :015:

[Interthenet Jnr]

Back to the original thread. How much does it cost to use these gyms? i just use the fitness suite in the P.E. department in my free periods but the summers coming up and the school will be closing.