Language

[mikeyboy]

I just thought of this for some reason, its called 'The chaos'

Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse

I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,

Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, beard and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,

Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery:

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.

Exiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing.

Thames, examining, combining

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war, and far.

From "desire": desirable--admirable from "admire."

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier.

Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.

Knowledge, done, but gone and tone,

One, anemone. Balmoral.

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,

Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.

Scene, Melpomene, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,

Reading, reading, heathen, heather.

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,

Which is said to rime with "darky."

Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's O.K.,

When you say correctly: croquet.

Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive, and live,

Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven,

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover,

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police, and lice.

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label,

Petal, penal, and canal,

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.

Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,

Rime with "shirk it" and "beyond it."

But it is not hard to tell,

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,

Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous, clamour

And enamour rime with hammer.

*****, hussy, and possess,

Desert, but dessert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.

Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rime with anger.

Neither does devour with clangour.

Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.

Font, front, won't, want, grand, and grant.

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.

And then: singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.

Query does not rime with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;

Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.

Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual.

Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;

Put, nut; granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rime with deafer,

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,

Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific,

Tour, but our and succour, four,

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria,

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.

Say aver, but ever, fever.

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

Never guess--it is not safe:

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.

Heron, granary, canary,

Crevice and device, and eyrie,

Face but preface, but efface,

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,

Ear but earn, and wear and bear

Do not rime with here, but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,

Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation--think of psyche--!

Is a paling, stout and spikey,

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing "groats" and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel,

Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict, and indict!

Don't you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally: which rimes with "enough"

Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?

Hiccough has the sound of "cup."

My advice is--give it up!

Edited November 20, 2009 by mikeyboy

[Guest]

I like that, talking about language I find it highly amusing the way people on this forum and many others mix words up the one which springs to mind just now is when people use where for were. It is not a great problem as I have found myself using the word lead when I was meaning led. It just goes to show how complex our language actually is, apparently it is very easy to learn English but extremely hard to perfect.

[starchief]

Although my wife is fluent in English, it's still not her native language. She does pick up on some crazy terms we have. Such as when a letter told her to wait in the 'vestibule'. She asked what it was, I told her it was French for hall. Why not just say 'hall' then? There's no real answer to that.

And she loves nursery rhymes. Now there's madness. The Grand Old Duke of York - 'neither up nor down'. What the hell is that all about? How can a dish run away with a spoon?

[DAM]

Although my wife is fluent in English, it's still not her native language. She does pick up on some crazy terms we have. Such as when a letter told her to wait in the 'vestibule'. She asked what it was, I told her it was French for hall. Why not just say 'hall' then? There's no real answer to that.

And she loves nursery rhymes. Now there's madness. The Grand Old Duke of York - 'neither up nor down'. What the hell is that all about? How can a dish run away with a spoon?

Don't get me started on this subject! Their and there, weather and whether and then there's "he should of thought of that" when it should be "he should have thought of that". Our old teachers in the Techie and IRA must be turning in their graves.

[Oz647]

I actually think a lot of the mistakes on here are down to laziness.

Some people can't be bothered to proof read their posts.

I often hit two keys at once but always check my post before submitting it.

Granted you won't always get it right but it will help.

[Guest]

Then and than seem to get mixed up a hell of a lot on forums.

[PullMyFinger]

There are a few words out there which have a legitimate use but are mis-used as profanity in common language. There are others which are more innocent but sound much more insulting. My favourite from a few years back was an iron alloy with asbestos used in water turbine seals. Ferrous bestos. :huh:

[The Mantis]

Remember that one about how 'fish' should be spelt 'ghoti'.

Just take the 'gh' from 'rough', then the 'o' from 'women' and the 'ti' from 'motion'......

[The Mantis]

Something else I've always wondered: being Scottish I think we pronounce the English language more literally than anybody else (except maybe N. Ireland), so there's never any doubt about what we're saying - maybe somebody who's English will prove me wrong.

Puns are very much part of the English way of life, but not here.

Words like 'Wales' and 'whales' are different to us. There are hundreds of examples.

I remember when I was in sales, we were expected to go around with a sales promotion on Britool torque wrenches which said 'Let's Torque Britool' which may have sounded clever down in head office in Swindon, but in Scotland is just nonsense.

[Alex MacLeod]

One English pronounciation that really bugs me is the word drawer. England there is no r after the w.

[Johnboy]

I can remember reading a travel article in some English magazine about the Island of Ghia, which is just off the Mull of Kintyre.

The writer of the article informed readers that "Ghia" is pronounced like the word "gear"

I suppose "gear" is pronounced pretty much like Ghia - that is if you live in England and tend to ignore the letter "r" when it appears at the end of any word.

[Heilandee]

The Proclaimers put it quite well..........

[Yngwie]

Remember that one about how 'fish' should be spelt 'ghoti'.

Just take the 'gh' from 'rough', then the 'o' from 'women' and the 'ti' from 'motion'......

Ghoti is also the Klingon word for fish.

(Is it true that Klingon is more widely spoken than Gaelic? Perhaps BBC Alba need to substitute their commentator accordingly.)

[Alex MacLeod]

Remember that one about how 'fish' should be spelt 'ghoti'.

Just take the 'gh' from 'rough', then the 'o' from 'women' and the 'ti' from 'motion'......

Ghoti is also the Klingon word for fish.

(Is it true that Klingon is more widely spoken than Gaelic? Perhaps BBC Alba need to substitute their commentator accordingly.)

Is that Scots Gaelic or does it include Irish, Welsh, Cornish, Nova Scotian etc?

[Yngwie]

You then have to bring in all the variants of Klingon spoken across the universe, and accurate figures on that aren't available. Not on Wikipedia anyway.

[Heilandee]

Nae doubt An Comundh Klingon will manipulate the figures to look more than they are and get extra inter gallactic funding.

[DAM]

I can remember reading a travel article in some English magazine about the Island of Ghia, which is just off the Mull of Kintyre.

The writer of the article informed readers that "Ghia" is pronounced like the word "gear"

I suppose "gear" is pronounced pretty much like Ghia - that is if you live in England and tend to ignore the letter "r" when it appears at the end of any word.

Gigha not Ghia.

[The Mantis]

Been there a few years ago, great welcome from the MacSporrans at the P.O. cum B&B. Remember that guy that had about 1000 jobs. Retired now though, it's incomers.

[The Mantis]

Ghoti is also the Klingon word for fish.

Assuming you're not at the wind-up I take it it was an in-joke by the scriptwriters?

Edited November 21, 2009 by The Mantis

[Guest]

One English pronounciation that really bugs me is the word drawer. England there is no r after the w.

This cropped up in a discussion earlier this evening and resulted in me checking up the word drawer in both Collins and Oxford dictionaries.

draw, which is primarily a verb, with drawer meaning 'sliding storage compartment'

SOURCE

So England there is indeed an "R" after the "W" as well as an "E"

[Alex MacLeod]

One English pronounciation that really bugs me is the word drawer. England there is no r after the w.

This cropped up in a discussion earlier this evening and resulted in me checking up the word drawer in both Collins and Oxford dictionaries.

draw, which is primarily a verb, with drawer meaning 'sliding storage compartment'

SOURCE

So England there is indeed an "R" after the "W" as well as an "E"

You miss my point birdie. Many English persons will say drawrer or drawring

[Guest]

Ah I see now Alex but I have noticed a lot of folk miss the "er" at the end of the word too. My apologies but it just goes to show how language can be misinterpreted through lack of information.

EDIT- Alex, you work on the rigs, have you noticed (I certainly have on ships) how when compiling an inventory, or stock checking, people will write "off" as opposed to "of" when numbering the amount of items ROB? Any idea why?

Edited January 8, 2010 by Revbirdog

[+DoofersDad]

Have you noticed how alcohol can get words mixed up and change their meaning?

After a few beers a woman can seem awfully pretty but in the morning appear pretty awful (or so I'm told)

[DALNEIGHCALEY]

Common one on CTO is "am" instead of "I'm" .

[Guest]

There are quite a few on CTO Dalneigh, I have put together a few from this sight. ( :tonguecheek: )

than and then. Than is a grammatical particle and preposition associated with comparatives, whereas then is an adverb and a noun. In certain dialects, the two words are usually homophones because they are function words with reduced vowels, and this may cause speakers to confuse them.

Standard: I like pizza more than lasagne.

Standard: We ate dinner, then went to the movies.

Non-standard: You are a better person then I am.

there, their, they're, and there're. There refers to the location of something. Their means "belonging to them". They're is a contraction of "They are". There're is a contraction of "there are".

Standard: There're five of them and they're all coming to the restaurant for their dinner; we will meet them there.

whose and who's. Whose is an interrogative word (Whose is this?) or a relative pronoun (The people whose house you admired); who's is a contraction for "who is" or "who has".

you're and your. While they sound the same in many dialects, in standard written English they have separate meanings. You're is a contraction for "you are", and your is a possessive pronoun meaning "belonging to you". When in doubt, just see whether the word in question can logically be expanded to "you are".

Standard: When driving, always wear your seatbelt.

Standard: If you're going out, please be home by ten o'clock.

Non-standard: You're mother called this morning.

Non-standard: Your the first person to notice my new haircut today!

lose and loose. Lose can mean "fail to win", "misplace", or "cease to be in possession". Loose can mean the opposite of tight, or the opposite of tighten. Lose is often misspelled loose, likely because lose has an irregular rhyme for the way it is spelled: it is more common for words ending -ose to rhyme -əʊz, like nose, or rose, but lose rhymes -uːz, like news or confuse. This may cause poor spellers to guess the correct spelling should match another -uːz rhyming word like choose, although choose is itself also an exception to the regular rhyme for words ending -oose (typically such words, including loose, rhyme -uːs, like goose or caboose).

Standard: We cannot afford to lose customers to our competitors.

Standard: A screw is loose and I need a wrench to tighten it.

Non-standard: If the team cannot score any points, they will loose the game.

it's and its. It's is a contraction that replaces it is or it has (see apostrophe). Its is the possessive determiner corresponding to it, meaning "belonging to it".

Standard: It's time to eat!

Standard: My cell phone has poor reception because its antenna is broken.

Standard: It's been nice getting to meet you.

Non-standard: Its good to be the king.

Non-standard: The bicycle tire had lost all of it's pressure

accept and except. While they sound similar, except is a preposition that means "apart from", while accept is a verb that means "agree with", "take in", or "receive". Except is also rarely used as a verb, meaning to leave out.

Standard: We accept all major credit cards, except Diners Club.

Standard: Men are fools... present company excepted! (Which means, "present company excluded")

Non-standard: I had trouble making friends with them; I never felt excepted.

Non-standard: We all went swimming, accept for Jack.

affect and effect. The verb affect means "to influence something", and the noun effect means "the result of". Effect can also be a verb that means "to cause [something] to be", while affect as a noun has technical meanings in psychology, music, and aesthetic theory: an emotion or subjectively experienced feeling. A device to remember when trying to decide which is the right choice: If something affects you it usually has an effect on you.

Standard. This poem affected me so much that I cried.

Standard. Temperature has an effect on reaction spontaneity.

Standard. The dynamite effected the wall's collapse.

Standard. He seemed completely devoid of affect.

Non-standard. The rain effected our plans for the day.

Non-standard. We tried appeasing the rain gods, but to no affect

can't and cant. Can't is a contraction of cannot. Cant has a number of different meanings, including a slope or slant, or a kind of slang or jargon spoken by a particular group of people. "Canting arms" is a coat-of-arms that represents meaning of the bearer's surname.

Standard: I can't understand the dialogue in this book because it is written in cant.

Standard: Heralds do not pun; they cant.

Non-standard: I cant swim; I have never taken lessons

Now I know that I am guilty of errors in grammar but some of the posts on this forum make me feel embarrassed on behalf of the poster because the errors are so simple. "Than and then" being the most embarrassing I shall not name names but there is one member on here who likes to come across as very intelligent and informed but he cannot differentiate between those two words, learned by pupils in primary one.