JOCK

[+L_G]

>>Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a

> general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and

>>Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

>>Wee Jock (a typical Scottish twang) thinks, "Ya bassa. Ah'm pure brilliant

>>at ma general knowledge stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle, come ahead ya

>>radge, a lang weekend fir me.'

>>Teacher: "Right class , who can tell me who said'Don't ask what your

> country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'

>>Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking

>>round picks Jeremy at the front.

>>Teacher: Yes, Jeremy."

>>Jeremy (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy

- inauguration speech 1960."

>>Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will

>>see you back in class on Tuesday."

>>The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jock is even more determined.

>>Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them

>>in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'"

>>Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board,shouting "I know. I know.

>>Me Miss, me Miss."

>>Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: "Yes

>>Timothy."

>>Timothy (In a very, very posh, English accent):"Yes miss, the answer is

Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."

>>Teacher: " Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come

>>back to class on Tuesday."

>>The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been

>>studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.

>>He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.

>>Teacher: "Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?"

>>Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,

>>jumping up and down screaming "Miss, me miss, meeeeee!"

>>

>>Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front: "Yes

>>Rupert."

>>

>>Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent:

>>"Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1969, The first moon landing."

>>Teacher: Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back

>>into class on Tuesday."

>>Wee Jock loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair

>>at the wall. He starts screaming: "Where the f*** did all these English

>>b*****ds come from?"

>>Teacher looking round the class: "Who said that?"

>>Wee Jock, grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Bonnie Prince

>>Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See yous on Tuesday."

[Johnboy]

:015: :015: : Very good - LG - I remember that one from many years ago with a slight difference...

Wee Jock was so p1ssed off that he took a couple of black marbles into the classroom. As teacher was about to ask a question wee Jock rolled his marbles across the classroom floor.

"Who's got black balls" shouted teacher,

"Sammy Davis Junior" yelled Wee Jock, "See youse on Tuesday".....!!!

[Guest Jock Watt]

I liked it too !! But then, I would !!!