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IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

Festive Sevens

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Good evening from the MEN Arena (Munlochy Evening News - where the action has moved in order to thrill the Black Isle - another capacity 60,000 crowd in attendance to watch the CTO Finals night, sponsored by GTWB Productions.

And the first semi final is between\\;

CTO Ladies - unchanged from last nite: OldCaleyGirl; Maimie; Lg ; Miss ICT; Lizi; Mee ; Bench - ekjules; guzz; HighlandExile; Mrs PaulieBee; Mrs Jnr.

CTO Overseas: Scotty; ronnyc; Scarlet Pimple; Jock Watt; Gabby; kilda; ymip; luvgravy; Tug

Incident from the kick off as Scarlet Pimple takes OldCaleyGirl out by the Howdens but both hug each other due to the memories the clinch has evoked. Scarlet attempts to wax lyrically but fails as he usually only posts in the wee small hours of the morning.

Mee is taking no prisoners and men are dropping like flies as she hunts them down (no different to real life really). ymip is standing out like the Trifle tower and it is no surprise that he opens the scoring with an inseine lob - "Quelle merdre".

But the ladies pull their pants up (this is just like real life tonite) and go on the offensive. HighlandExile goes on a rampage - as she did at Easter Road and sets up Miss ICT who fires home the equaliser - she promptly apologises for scoring in consecutive games.

Guzz comes on and immediately mistakes Jock Watt fer Uncle Albert, smacks him on the back of his napper and is booked for her efforts. Unfortunately from the resultant goal kick Gabby executes the Boomerang free kick and turns the tie upside down.

The Ladies attempt to rescue the match by going down under but there is little chance of success with the manhood of the opposition - who fer whatever reason are resting Tug on the bench. If ever Scotty needed a Tug it was 2010.

And to make the day worse fer the reigning Championees a kilda run ends with a shot hitting the back of the net as fast as a gannet hitting the Atlantic waves. And OldCaleyGirl is left collapsed on her erse at the end of the nite (more reality)

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The teams emerge fer the second semi final which, on paper, looks like a real grudge match. But the tie is held up as there is a streaker on the pitch - it looks like Feb 8th and he is making a beeline fer IHE - but he ghosts past him due to the smell of spirits and heads down the vaultstunnel and is swiftly removed by men in white coats (ghosts I suppose)

The teams have changes:

CTO CaleyJaggies: KingBeastie; Govan Jaggie; CapitalCaley; Red Card Riley; Internet Jnr: IHE; Stirling Observer; Joe DiMaggio; davieb; Bronson

CTO Central Belters: Mantis; Naelifts; Wanderer; Hairy Chibber; Alternative Maryhill; CaleySatan; ICTPaisley; Ross P; Ginger haired psychopath.

The match has been further delayed as both the teams have to be removed from the Munlochy Inn having spent the afternoon sightseeing at the Black Isle Brewery.

Maryhill is caught out early doors as he is caught in the act of writing the feckin preview and his notebook is tossed in the air as Brosnon explodes on to the scene with the most splendid 20 yard drive. And the crowd chant "Simple Simon says put yer hands in the air"

CaleyStan berates Mary but he releases Hairy Chibber who promptly equalises and runs to the crowd to celebrate. He is met by Ginger haired psycopath who is promptly arrested. Hairy assures him that he will provide support and legal representation after the game.

Joe di maggio and Stirling observer huddle over a free kick in deep thought (or a hip flask to be precise). Stirling Observer does a dummy run and Joe smashes an unstoppable drive in to the top corner - "Oh the red and blue of the Caley jags" the pair sing as they celebrate. Mantis looks more like a Murd urquhart than a Billy Urquhart.

But Naelifts looks like the man to rescue the game and is an emergency forward. He gives the kiss of life to the fading Central Belters and heads home an equaliser.

But in the last minute CaleyCapital reminds us of a young Craig Brewster as he shows great ball skills and composure and chips home a late but deserved winner.

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Welcome to West Drive and GTWB Productions are proud to present the Grand Final of the 2010 CTO Festive Sevens. The Overseas fans will be sited in the Mapplebeck Stand and the Granville Paterson Enclosure - the CaleyJaggie following will be sited in the Dan Fridge Stand and the Toich Terrace.

Officials for this match will be David Sutherland and Alan Savage on the lines, Graham Bennett as the fourth official and the referree will be the legendary ADC Kidd - Commentary on Jackanory FM will be provided by Charlie "where did I leave my towel" Bannerman.

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CTO CaleyJaggies: KingBeastie; Govan Jaggie; CapitalCaley; Red Card Riley; Internet Jnr: IHE; Stirling Observer; Joe DiMaggio; davieb; Bronson

CTO Overseas: Scotty; ronnyc; Scarlet Pimple; Jock Watt; Gabby; kilda; ymip; luvgravy; Tug

IHE takes the kick off and .............. the whistle blows .............. both linesman have flagged ... ADC Kidd gets feedback from the fourth official ... IHE is shown a red card and a one way ticket in a Black Maria.

ONLY JOKING :tongueincheek: That would never hapen in real life :rolleyes:

Caley Jaggies appear to be spurned on and Govan Jaggie secures a lead with a swerving shot that would be lauded in Bechins fer many a year.

But the boys from overseas are not finished and luvgravy equalises with a flighted effort. King Beastie does his Animal impersonation and tries to drum up the lads on the Toich Terrace. He has been thought to have been particulary nervous about being a custodian in West drive as Granville has a history with Shetland fillies.

The game is going from end to end. ronnyc breaks from the back and lights up the stadium like feckin Times Square with an effort from half way which eludes the troubled king beastie.

But back come the CaleyJaggies as Red Card polishes off a great davieb through ball and Krakows it in to the onion bag. The Toich Terrace resembles a Lech Poznan under 10 game.

But in the dying moments the substitute Tug produces a bit of magic. It is as if he has come out of the trenches, he crawls along the touchline and fires in a bullet off a shot - but it is going wide - but it feckin richochets of Jock watts zimmer and bulges in to the back of the net.

The final whistle blows - CTO CaleyJaggies 2 CTOOverseas 3

CTO Overseas are the 2010 CTO Festive Sevens Winners and Scotty prepares to climb the gantry to accept the award from Provost Dan Corbett but allows Tug to take his place. The stadium rises in applause.

Why - cos we have "heroes" like Naelifts and his paramedic duties and we even have IHE looking after the lives of the mentally ill of Lancashire but that is nowt compared to anyone prepared to give their lives to the country.

Hope I have got this right TUG but total respect and prayers to ya - and any other ICT supporting squaddie who wears our shirt proudly in the battle zone :thumbup:

Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ur!

  • Agree 2

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Aye donview i'll leave it in the office as usual :rolleyes: all the best over the festive to you and your family, ru coming to sneck at all ?

And season's greetings to you and yours Insider!! I'll be at the game on Sunday, Caley Club for a few before and after :drinking06:

Have you revealed your identity to all and sundry yet or is Scotty keeping you in "Stig" mode :hiding02:

Unlike me The stig has been outed. :sherlock:

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Rivetting stuff! Positively unbelievable. :sarcastic:

You will shortly receive a message, IHE, telling you that that the S. P. Canajin boy will make you a friend.

Sigh.. He's so beautiful....... :bouncyred:

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Your usual imaginative and witty seasonal offering Johndo, great stuff.

Would particularly like to echo your sentiments for our armed forces especially at this time of year. These guys need our support and know the country is behind them.

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Brilliant IHE....the best team won.

Can't wait for the video of the tournament... :laugh:

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Good stuff Johndo, but erm, there's no a West Drive in North Kessock ya raj, just the Dodgy Arms.

:twothumbsup:

Scotty will have the video online as soon as he gets it from Handy Cam.

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Brilliant!! Just brilliant!

Back at work today and too busy laughing at that to do much!

Great work and a Merry Christmas to all!

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