Mark McGhee's Christmas Book of Excuses

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We all know Mark is a shrewd manager with a deep insight into the mind of a multi millionaire chairman. A modern day Christmas Carol in reverse is being written to commemorate the Dandy Gothenburg Dons modern day team with all proceeds going to..... fund compensation package.

Well known author, Barley Channerman, is currently writing 'Against All the Odds - Mister McGoo's guide to excuses'. Based on anecdotes gleaned from fans who lost faith in famous excuse makers such as 'I'm a County fan at the Moment'Brewster and Tommy Neil Cooper formerly a County fan, to name but a few because they are leaving in droves,the book has a distinctive Dickensian twist.

On page one it begins ' "A refereeing decision conspired against us and cost us the game." As we move onto Christmas the scene is set where a worried 'Stewart Scrooge Milne' is sitting up in a luxury four poster bed. 'Willie or Wo'nt he Miller' enters and pleads with 'Milne', 'Stuart you must end this nightmare now. Do you not have some cash under the mattress?'

'Scrooge Milne' mumbles in distinctive but almost incomprehensible Scotland the What tones 'Wiki has this that now worries me:

Brighton, a club he would lead to relegation, after his side were soundly beaten by Derby:"Their forward play and their movement was excellent and their tempo gave us problems all night, we just couldn't cope with that."

Wolves with his failure to reach the top flight prompting a tirade from Wolves owner Sir Jack Hayward, who moaned that he would no longer be "the golden tit", supplying the club with endless finance.' Willie reassures a sweating Milny that he looks nothing like the legendary Sir Jack as he sits staring into his on line bank account with night cap slightly to one side and dressed in Paddington Bear pyjammas.

Milny pleads with his Director of Football that McGhee has set some new records for the club in just a short time. 'Aberdeen, a club he would set two records with - 8-1 defeat to SK Sigma Olomouc in his first competitive games ( remind me who they are said 'Milne')and 9-0 to Celtic which 'you Mr Scrooge' said 'Willie or Won't you Miller' gave complete backing to after we emptied Pittodrie's biscuit tins and found just ?31.56p of tea monies to compensate him for such performances. 'Stuart, remember it got so bad that Zander lost the plot and forgot which end he was playing at when Mark promised the fans a win against St Johnstone.'

Willie reminded his landlord of further Wiki quotes ' 'McGhee has also stated to the press "Go and look me up on Wikipedia. I've got a track record", prompting many to question the validity of this comment.'

'Baa humbug' said the sheeps long standing Chairman. 'No, I cannot afford to sack him' said Scroogy Milne 'I blame Adam Rooney for McGhee's troubles. He scored that damn hattrick for Stoke that got Mark sacked at Brighton. And you know that the referee should never have given Inverness a penalty for Rooney to rub Mark's face deeper into the Pittodrie mud. We cannot keep compensating Mark every time Rooney causes more pain'

'But Boss' pleaded Willie, the ex nightclub owner, 'when you appointed Mark you will recall the headlines ''The arrival of McGhee and assistant Scott Leitch heralds a new Dons era''. OK he did say his dream was to manage Celtic but he was only joking and the new era with low crowds, first division football and lots of flats on Pittodrie with us playing miles awayfrom public transport in a spanking new stadium (using cash on deposit from the ground share agreement with ICT not used to pay off the two very successful Jimmies) was not what I think we meant.'

'Willie' choked 'Scroogy' tell me that Hamilton are just 4 points above us at the moment, tell me the top 4 teams in the First Division have non compliant stadia, tell me I do not have to give McGhee ?250,000 as a reward for this?'

Willie, informed his trusted multi-millionaire friend 'Scroogy, sorry I meant Stewart, it makes me spitting mad. You have all that cash, a lot made from houses and flats sold to our supporters. Can you not sacrifice a few pennies? It is hard to know how many more of these 'worst results of my managerial career'we can stomach:

''Aberdeen manager Mark McGhee has revealed he was spat at by some angry Dons fans after the Scottish Cup defeat by Raith Rovers at Pittodrie. McGhee described the 1-0 loss to the First Division club as the "worst result of my managerial career".

To be continued.

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27/11/2010 a.m.

ABERDEEN FC today announced an operating loss of ?667,000, up from the previous figure of ?337,000.

The club?s annual accounts also show turnover dropped by ?1.5 million to ?7.057m up to June 30 of this year.

Aberdeen FC blamed the financial performance on the revenue lost when the SPL?s television deal with Setanta collapsed.

The operating loss was offset by a transfer fee profit of ?415,000, mainly from the sale of striker Lee Miller.

Chairman Stewart Milne warned he will expect to see better performances from the first team to help them increase turnover and profits in the future.

A few hours later.......

"Hopefully, something somewhere along the line will break for us and we'll get some sort of form in the sense that someone produces something," said McGhee. The players themselves have got to dig it out. If they can produce something, we'll get the rub of the green one of these days and it'll give us an advantage.We didn't lose today because we weren't able to lift them - the boys were in a good frame of mind but they just didn't play well enough.''

To be continued.....................

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Chairman Stewart Milne said: "On behalf of everyone at the club, I would like to thank Mark, Scott and Colin for their time at Aberdeen."

"It was pointless recently" Milne added.

Far east Company, Wunwinsoon, denied that Mr McGhee was being paid commission to advertise their company.

[starchief]

I awaiting Mark coming out with:

"The weather conspired against us. The players were itching to avenge the last Celtic game. If it wasn't for Thor and his storm, I really believe we would have turned the corner on Saturday...and you have to give me credit for that."