Irish jokes....

[Johnboy]

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

[Charles Bannerman]

There are several versions of this. The one I heard was set on Lewis:-

"So what's the Gaelic equivalent of the Spanish word 'manana'?"

"Och we have several... but none quite conveys the same degree of urgency!"

[The Mantis]

**********racism alert**************

**********racism alert**************

**********racism alert**************

Was that the same show where they were talking about the Irishman who went into a restaurant, paid for a meal, and sneaked out without eating it?

You're allowed to tell them if you're Irish yourself.

Fergal O'Mantis

[CaleyD]

Irish fellow is driving along in his car when he is pulled over by the village policeman.

Policeman - "Paddy, I've just seen your dog chasing an old woman on a bike"

Paddy - "Couldn't have been my dog, he doesn't have a bike"

Policeman doesn't like the back chat...

Policeman - "Can I see your license"

Paddy - "He doesn't drive either"

Policeman is getting continually frustrated...

Policeman - "I noticed you had a tail light out on the near side"

Paddy gets out of the car, goes round the back and gives it a kick - it comes back on.

Policeman - "That's great thanks...now do you want to go round the front, kick the windscreen and see if a current tax-disc appears"

[Guest sophia]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her Father cussed her.

Where have ye been all this time?

Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?

Why didn't ye call?

Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million> savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant".

Come here and give yer old Dad a hug

[Johnboy]

Sophia : Catholics, Protestants and prostitutes might consider that extremely offensive....  :018:

[12th Man]

Paddy Mick and Shamus are best of buddy's,

One day Shamus is involved in a road traffic accident and Paddy and Mick have to go and identify the body.

Paddy goes in first,he sees Shamus lying on his back, he rolls him over as says 'no, this isn't Shamus'

Mick then enters the room he also turns Shamus face down and  replies 'no,its not Shamus'

When asked 'how can you be so sure it isn't him'

They reply,

When ever we were out and about everyone used to shout 'Hey look here comes Shamus with the two ar*s holes'

[Guest sophia]

But as far as this forum is concerned, no moderator has not agreed that it is!

I?m not a fan of Bernard Manning.

[Johnboy]

But as far as this forum is concerned, no moderator has not agreed that it is!

I?m not a fan of Bernard Manning.

"No moderator has not agreed...."    :024:

[+dumpmaster]

An Irish women is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.

A nearby Guard approaches her and remarks, "Madam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the women.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the women, "I left my baby on the bus!"