THE AYRSHIRE EXPERIENCE

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Prior to travelling to the Killie game I decided that my report should look on the bright side and focus on the positives.  :sillywave:

Was my 400 mile round trip worth it ? - yes it was - it was a feckin experience.  :crazy07:

Being a seer I should have seen the negative portents but my positivity blinded me. The blizzard conditions on the Shap and the gale force winds of the Borders should have forewarned me but a bright blue sunny sky greeted me as I drove into Ayrshire.

So I get to the hotel where the jobsworth receptionist tells me that I cant book in till 14.00 - so I adjourn to the bar - buy a drink and in walks a group of neanderthal Huns.  :029:

I get to the reception and I gain entrance at 13.58 - "Sorry but your room is on the top floor - and the lift isnt working".  :029: And the feckin TV aint feckin working either.  :029:

So I grab a taxi and head to the Hunting Lodge - a tavern which has been thronged with ICT supporters and is always good craic. I open the door and - two ICT supporters and two locals.  :029: But then I spy Boddingtons Cold on draught - yummy yummy - she pulls back the pump and - Cremola feckin foam _ "its off Im afraid".  :029:

I am cheered up a bit at being told that the entrance to the game is a special ?8 for a parent and child - but get to our gate and the offer is fer home supporters only.  :029: Inside the ground I sit down with the 2-300 faithful - but none of the "old school" in attendance. I go fer a Killie pie and it is feckin lukewarm.  :029:

And to make matters worse the game starts.  :029:

I hold my feckin head in my hands as we line up as a 3-1-4-1-1.  :029: Proctor on the right, McGuire in the middle and Granty on the left. Russell in the hole - fair enuff. Rosscoe in right midfield  :029: Black and Vigurs in midfield (OK) - and McBain on the left.  :029: Niculae deep - away from home  :029: and Bayne as the lone front runner.

Brew must have been reading this forum to pick Rosscoe in midfield but fair play to giving Vigurs a start - but not in that system - And he drops Cowie (? another Brew personality clash?)and leaves Wyness out altogether.  :029: And after Denzil score twice for the reserves and Brew urges him to prove himself. So basically he drops our two main attacking options - and puts Hart on the bench - and takes him on - so basically lets feck aff a legend and a potential legend but play a man who has brought disgrace to the club and is going at the end of the season.  :029:

And Niculae - the most disinterested individual I have EVER seen in an ICT strip - to be fair his head was probably in the Bucharest clouds - so why not rest him and play Wyness and Bayne and tell them "Go show me what you two can do without Niculae.  :029:

By the end of the game Roscoe has gone back to full back - McBain, Vigurs and Niculae have been hooked - he puts a visibly angered Black into wide right midfield - pisses Cowie off even more by leaving him on the bench and there are debates / arguments going off all over the pitch.

The positives - well we bossed the first 15 minutes.  :001: The ploy of flooding the midfield worked and we took Killie by surprise.  :001: They kicked off playing 4-3-3 with little width and were there fer the taking. We pass the ball well even if the defence looks unsure and shaky from the off - and deservedly take the lead - made by Tokely and well polished off by Black.  :001: We also get three free kicks in scoreable range - but no Cowie - so we pick Duncan and Niculae.  :029:

But the Jeffries susses it and reverts to 4-4-2 with width. - So does Brew go back to four at the back - NO - they equalise, does Brew change it - NO. We struggle to half time so does Brew change it - NO - they go ahead, does Brew change it - NO - they score a third - does Brew change it - YES.  :029:

So does he put Rosscoe back and bring on Cowie and Imrie - yes but not Cowie - he takes on Hart fer Vigurs - and moves Black - our best player - into wide right midfiled.  :029: Duncan and Hart spend the rest of the game debating where they should be playing - Black decides to go roving after five minutes suffering in silence on the left - in no mans land - watching every ball being hoofed up to Bayne - surrounded by four defenders.  :029:

So I bear it to the end and head off back to the pub - I decided to release some of my pent up anger and frustration by giving Caley 100 a quick call on my mobile - It is a bad line and he says summat that I didnt hear - I then spend two minutes babbling on until I hear him shout - "Turn the phone off Johndo - I'm in Morrocco".  :029:

Still afterwards I head to Brewsters (the bear by the way) and have a gret evening with Ky, Highland Exile and the kids. I reckon that they should employ Brewster Bear and I-Cat as the new management team.

Well oiled I get back to ma room at 23.00 and watch the footie with a bottle of Magners and settle down to sleep - only to be awaken at 02.00 by a feckin fire alarm.  :029:

Still - It was well worth it.  :029:

[Johnboy]

Well oiled I get back to ma room at 23.00 and watch the footie with a bottle of Magners and settle down to sleep - only to be awaken at 02.00 by a feckin fire alarm. 

Did you fall asleep with a fag in your hand...?

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

SMILEYMOMETER:

Fraser  :001: :001: :001: Apart from looking shellshocked at the total lack of cover Mikey did well. He may have got down quicker for the second but it did go right into the bottom corner and took a **** of a bounce as well.

Proctor  :001: :001: :001: Mused throughout the game - "Am I full back or am I a central defender?" - but the only answers he got - over and over again were _ "yes you are - no youre not - you are now - not now though". At least he kept going and tried to pass the ball.

Maguire -  :001: :001: "El Libero" - "The Rock" - Now he knows what Davy Crockett felt like at the Alamo. He was more exposed than a Playboy centrefold and ended up lookin like a rite fannie.

Granty  :001: :001: Did he not look totally flabbergasted. Killie drew him into playing as a left back and he was clearly uncomfortable. To be honest even his head went down - and he was kept as the covering defender allowing Proctor and Maguire to go up fer the corners !!  :029:

Rosscoe  :001: :001: Looked totally lost in midfield - although one guy commented that he didnt look any different than usual - in fact he played more defensively as a midfielder than he does as a full back !! Did well to get the penalty but noticeably never went forward in the last half hour.

Duncan  :001: :001: :001: Only player to stay in the same position for the 90 apart from Fraser. Worked hard as ever.

Black  :001: :001: :001: (MOM - which is no accolade) Was in his feckin element fer the first 20 minutes but gave away the equaliser with a reckless tackle. Kept plugging away in the middle - even after he was ordered to the right !!

Vigurs  :001: :001: Felt sorry for the lad. Given too much responsibility and not enuff protection. Looked ver nervous and out of his depth. Not exactly an experience to inspire confidence but hopefully he has the strength to move on.

McBain  :001: :001: Started off well enuff but then performed his Invisible Man trick.

Niculae  :001: :001: The Sun labelled him as "lumbering" - he wasnt that good. He had two abysmal attempts at goals and even his passing was awry. He gets a wee clap and gentle applause every time he touches the ball by some fans. His actions are well executed but instead of pass and move - he passes, admires and strolls. He palyed the entire game in an area of 30 yards. How he lasted so long is probably an idictment of a contractual agreement.

BAYNE  :001: :001: Ran and ran but got no support - ended up doing nothing.

Hart  :001: Surged forward willingly but why was he on the bench - far less the pitch.

Imrie  :001: :001: Looked willing and nippy but taken on far too late - got to a crossing position on a couple of occasions - looked up - and saw Bayne and five defenders !!

Rory  :001: Reminds me of Niculae - but withouth the touch, awareness or the class.

[hislopsoffsideagain]

You need to give me tips on how to write match reports...magic.

Does anyone know how to get IHE into the dugout instead of Brew next weekend - he'd inspire the troops!

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

CONCLUSION:

Brewster has lost the dressing room and the fans - He should show some humility and resign - followed closely by Savage and Orion - followed closely by Smith - and Grasser, the ever loyal servant, should cchange his role before even he loses any semblance of creedence - and then we should let Sutherland rebuild - although he is more instrumentl in the building of the system than he is letting on.

Cant wait fer the Aberdire game.

[tm4tj]

Great in depth report, it has made the hammering well worthwhile :015:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

You need to give me tips on how to write match reports...magic.

Does anyone know how to get IHE into the dugout instead of Brew next weekend - he'd inspire the troops!

I am going in disguise.  :001:

[buckett]

Yeah - good, eloquent report.

Your efforts are much appreciated, IHE.

[Govan Jaggie]

Well done sir and here is to next week!!!!  We will beat Aberdeen and all will be forgotten :023:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Well oiled I get back to ma room at 23.00 and watch the footie with a bottle of Magners and settle down to sleep - only to be awaken at 02.00 by a feckin fire alarm. 

Did you fall asleep with a fag in your hand...?

Athletes dont smoke.

[ekjules]

Good read johndo cheered me up after yesterdays farce.

Always look on the bright side of life. :021:

Come on the jaggies

[Glen Mhor]

Well done sir and here is to next week!!!!  We will beat Aberdeen and all will be forgotten :023:

You know, I think we just might beat The Dons and put our recent dire performances behind us. A first win over them couldn't come at a better time.  :024:

COME ON THE CALEY JAGS !

[Scarlet Pimple]

Johndo--your juxtaposition was just right. :clapping03:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Good read johndo cheered me up after yesterdays farce.

Always look on the bright side of life. :021:

Come on the jaggies

Could you tell Wyness Legend, Stevico and the rest of the serious brigade that it was supposed to be sarcastic and humourous with a background of serious observation about the players and the manager.  :001:

[A96]

Good match report Johndo - and would agree with nearly everything you say.

But I would blame our defeat on you not wearing your lucky kilt to the match! :004:

[Stig]

:clapping03: :clapping03: :clapping03:

Top post - didn't think anything coming from this game could bring a smile to me face!!!

[Johnboy]

Johndo--your juxta~position was just right. :clapping03:

He knows some amazing positions....  :023:

[maimie]

Johndo--your juxta~position was just right. :clapping03:

He knows some amazing positions....  :023:

and you know this how????    :003:

[Johnboy]

I've managed to acquire some of his DVDs (adults only)

These aren't for the faint-hearted you know....  :017:

I'm thinking of enrolling at one of his summer schools....  :014:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Couldnt help but notice that clachers post was removed to "Rumours" - possibly by the man myself - but as I always talk a load of bollicks - I heard similiar but not to the extreme extent - just revisit my comments about granty and black and see how they were treated - and my conclusion.

Lets throw the feckin rats off the ship before it is scuppered.

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

BUMP - Goodnight

[The Mantis]

I thought this was a new thread ;) :thumb04: :018:

I recognised the Boddies being off in the Hunting Lodge and the Killie pies being lukewarm from a fortnight ago........

[caley100]

Friggin scary... really scary.