A Winters Tale

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

The atmosphere can be elevated by listening to the David Essex rendition whilst perusing or humming it as you scroll down.

A WINTERS TALE - an adaptation by IHE.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Fife, on December 25th, a wee loon was born, out of wedlock and in a cattle shed (some things never change do they). The expectant Mum was drinking a cup of tea as the final contraction hit and dropped it in the manure - and so Brewshyte was born.

And that night a bright star eminated out of the Orion Constellation and sent down an angel and three wise men. The angel was a local lass called Buffy who fluttered over the smelly babe and enthused " Brewshyte - you will be the most popular and powerful person wherever you go". And the babe was presented with a Magic Mirror by the Three Wise Men - a savage, a housebuilder and a man made of grass - "Look into the mirror and ask "Who is the most popular and the most powerful" and you will be given a true reply.

Years went by and Brewshyte went to Forfar, Kirkcaldy, Dundee, Ionokos, Embra, Dunfermline, Inverness and Aberdeen and the mirror always replied "Its you Brewshyte - Its you".

And then, in March 2007, Brewshyte walked out of the Peepy Peeps Tavern and the bright star from the Orion Constellation dazzled him. It enticed him North to Sneck where the savage and the man made of grass made him an offer of immortal greatness.

"Wait in the wings Brewshyte whilst we break down Charlie Chaplin and silence him fer good" they caroused. And Brewshyte bided his time until a calling from Paisley exuded in August 2007.

He strolled into his new office, polished the mirror, hung it on the wall and asked "And who is the most popular and most powerful ?". To his dismay the mirror replied - "Eh at the moment - Park, Rankin and Niculae".

Brewshyte was humiliated and swore revenge. "I am not going to be outdone by a troll, a pretty boy and an alien"

And so he hatched an evil plan. The troll was easy as the man made of grass persuaded him to go home to his family and Brewshyte brought back the thick Malky. Rankin was simply humiliated and was booted out to Embra. But every time Brewshyte went back to the mirror it called out "Niculae".

Brew was in a quandary as the alien from the Orion constellation appeared to be favoured by both the savage and the man made of grass. So what did he do ? - what anyone would do when ya want to get yer house in order - ya go to the renowned local housebuilder. To Brews delite he discovered that the builder still held the lease and the man made of grass was actually a double agent - the Mata Hari of Dalneigh - and so the three plotted the demise of the alien.

As the season grew to an end and it became evident that the alien was going back home Brewshyte went to the mirror an begged the question. The mirror replied "Niculae.." - "not fer much longer" giggled Brewshyte - "..and Wyness and Bayne". Brewshyte acted immediately and got the man made out of grass to rip up the two previously agreed contracts and benched the two threats. The disgraced pair walked away in the summer.

In June 2008 the mirror finally replied - "Its you Brewshyte, its you".

But Brewshyte decided that he had to consolidate fer the future - He gathered around him a squad unlikely to draw the attention away from him - he called in a failed goalkeeper, an old mate, a happy boy, the old school, some kids and SFL standard signings. He then decided that his strikeforce should comprise of youngsters lacking in pace and movement - "Feckin purrfect" he thought.

But in August 2008 the wind changed and as he asked the mirror the reply was "Eh now, Wilson, Black and Cowie". Brewshyte was devastated and confided in the housebuilder, the man made of grass and IHE's Uncle George.

They backed Brews' risky plan of making the three stars ordinary by playing them constantly out of position, substituting them on a regular basis or benching them as often as possible.

The staggered humiliation began to play its toll - the old man finally waved the white flag of surrender and left the club he loved in despair - and the ploy took shape with Black and Cowie.

And at half time at Paisley in December 2008 Brewshyte sent the troops out onto the pitch with the prophetic words " Black - you are a feckin wee tart, a jammy wee tart. Cowie youre a Hun, a lone feckin Ranger - yer days are numbered".

Growing dissent from the natives and the heralded return of Robbo, rumoured to be an agent of the Orion constellation proved to be short term concerns as the blind support proffered by the housebuilder, the man made of grass and IHE's Uncle George saved the day.

And Brew has the date of 10/01/2009 etched in his diary as he will go back to the mirror and the mirror will reply "Its you Brewshyte, its you".

And then we will all live happily ever after. :018:

ANY LIKENESS TO REALITY IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL - THIS IS A FAIRY TALE

BOING 40-50 % warning level ;) :thumb04:

[Iain]

Haha had me in stiches, well done!

The really worrying thing about it is thats the only reasonable explanation that can explain whats going on with our club.

[Johnboy]

:thumb04: :018:

Roll on 10/01/2009

[TSTtiger]

aye very good. brewshyte could stick, like er , brewshyte!

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CBQ3t6ezh2I

[The Mantis]

:D :D :D ;) :D :thumb04: :018: :D :015: :D :P :021:

Only possible explanation rite enuff.

[ICTFCkev]

Hahahaha have yourself a Merry little Xmas IHE, Quality stuff.

[Kirishima]

Funny because its true. Sadly

[Council Juice]

Was Brewster born on Christmas day?

If thats the case theirs only one thing for it. We make a cross, strap him to it and the rest is easy. But we'll have to do it before march.

[Guest Spectre]

Was Brewster born on Christmas day?

Not according to Wikipedia

Full name Craig James Brewster

Date of birth 13 December 1966 (1966-12-13) (age 42)

But then again neither was Jesus.

However, don't forget a Manager is for Life, not just Chirstmas.