Chefs Back Killie !

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

From the Scotsman (21/10/2010)

TOP CHEFS BACK THE P.R.I.C.K.S. TO FOREWARN ICT

By Ewan McMurray

Top chefs Gordon Ramsay, Nigella Lawson, Delia Smith and John Kelly have voiced their support for the Pie Reputation and Integrity for the Catering of Kilmarnock Society, in the wake of concerns that the supporters of Inverness Caledonian Thistle F.C. may be planning to inflict another injurious verbal and choral assault on the manager of Kilmarnock F.C., in reference to the allegation that the previous managers' obesity may have been closely linked to the over consumption of pies available from the club catering facilities.

Previous concerns were raised to the F.A.R.T.S organisation (Fat Aberdonian Reprobate Taunting Salvation) in respect of the prolonged 45 minute plus ?assault?, by factions known as the MOB and the SESH army, at the Scottish Cup Tie last season which allegedly led to the demise of the previous manager, Jimmy fat **** Calderwood. Agents for Mr Calderwood claim that he suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following the psychological ?bullying? ordeal, had a nervous breakdown which ultimately resulted in his resignation. It is reported that Mr Calderbank now suffers from chronic insomnia where he has recurrent flashbacks / nightmares on the theme of kilted Highlanders dancing in a conga around his bed, whilst deriding him about his obesity. He is rumoured to be currently 6 stones in weight and resembles a bright orange, sun dried Satsuma. It is doubtful whether he will ever be able to return to football management although Ross County FC feel that he may be a ready made replacement for Craig Brewster.

South Ayrshire Police and Group 4 Security have been in discussion with the CaleyAwaywithTerryandMo ?firm? who are rumoured to be an amalgamation of the two notorious factions previously known as the MOB and the SESH Army.

The authorities feel that the dialogue has been fruitful and a fat, old, kilted, bald, grey haired spokesman has assured Kilmarnock FC that there will be no repetition of the incessant chanting of the ?Jimmy Says aye to a Killie Pie? taunt at this weekends? fixture.

It appears that the CaleyAwaywithTerryandMo ?firm? have sought legal advice from their Finnish solicitors and have agreed to serenade the present managerial incumbent, Mixu Packalotofkilliefeckinpiesinmafatscandinaviangutlining, in a ?softer|? Finnish version of the chant.

?Mixu says JAA jotta Killie paistos? or perhaps an abridged version highlighting the Swedish word for Yes - ? Mixu says JAA to a Killie pie? will be caroused.

A spokesman for the Finnish F.A, responded - ? Ajaa kaikki mik? te haluta koska me hankkia disowned ep?kuntoinen hedelm?llinen h?lm? ?

[Tug]

Quality as ever...consider it green dotted

[HumbersideDude]

"Ajaa kaikki mik? te haluta koska me hankkia disowned ep?kuntoinen hedelm?llinen h?lm? ? :rotflmao:

Top class reporting as usual.

[tm4tj]

He is rumoured to be currently 6 stones in weight and resembles a bright orange, sun dried Satsuma.

Dry my eyes please.

[Snow]

He is rumoured to be currently 6 stones in weight and resembles a bright orange, sun dried Satsuma.

Dry my eyes please.

Ditto!

[KingBeastie]

Sing a verse or ten for me in my absinthe absence.