Once in a Life Time is enough !

[Canada Bob]

What a day... bad enough doing me money in on St Johnstone, beat 2-1 by Aidrie,  :008:  but that was just the start of it...

At 6 o'clock the wifes sister phones up, says she's gone down with flu, so she can't turn out tonight, leaving the wife with

2 tickets to the Winnipeg Ballet who are in town tonight, how do you get out of that one...

I thought I was set up for the night, knowing they were going out I'd downloaded Tora Tora Tora, Full Metal Jacket & Blackhawk Down, all of a sudden I'm roped in for a night at the Ballet  :007:

No way I can talk meself out of it, then I remember watching that Little Tin Solder Ballet when I was about 7, that weren't bad from what I can remember, so I thought I'd chance it...

The show was in two 45 minute halves, {like a football match}, and we are sat front and centre {3rd row} when these prancing bast***s come on. Blokes with mascara, and their armpits shaved, not a good start is it, the odd bit was, the women were in high cut knickers, but the blokes were in thongs, yea, no kiddin'  :017: what's going on there !

I know where Einstein got his theory of "Time & Relativity",  there's no way that 45 minutes watching shyte like this is the same length of time as at a football match. I thought it would last for ever  :008: it's not like a days fishin',  5-6 hours whips by when the rods are out.

Add to that, if Isaac Newton had seen the fat bird throwing herself about, he wouldn't have had to wait of that apple falling out of the tree to discover the "Theory of Gravity" . Have to give it to them ponces though, the one who's job it was to catch that fat bird was drippin' with sweat, not sure if it was through exhaustion, or fear though ?

What does anyone see in Ballet ? where did this stuff come from ?, what the **** is it all about ?  $35 a ticket, that's around £17 ! I'd rather have watched Tranmere Rovers in the pouring rain than have had to put up with this.

Hard to believe they can travel 2000 miles from Winnipeg, sell 1,200 tickets {that's a bigger gate than Gretna get} for a poncing display like this. The place was full, fair enough 90% of them women, plus a fair contingent of gay blokes, one of them sat right behind me, clapping excitedly for every bleedin thing they did, no doubt he found it exciting, I hope no bugger saw me there...

Seriously though, how did this b*llocks catch on ? they didn't even have ice cream during the interval. Add to that I was brastin' for a leak by half time, but I let them all come out first,  :023:  I don't need to make new friends on a night like that.

The only relief of sorts was the lead dancer, an Annie Lennox look a like, bonny looking woman, in her 40's, but fit as a fiddle, had that stern kind of look about her {you know, when they look like they could turn on yer, I like 'em like that}.

Other than that, there was a scene near the end that had a slight Lesbian theme about it, but it didn't last long enough, {they never do, do they}, after that me mind started to wonder off again...

The last time me and the Mrs went to anything remotely like this was one of them live **x shows in Amsterdam, but that went much the same way, the leading guy in that had trouble with his pirouette  :007: he got booed off  :006:, this lot got a standing ovation !

Once in a lifetime is enough for Ballet, don't ever be tempted, it's a right load of cobblers, topped me day off in grand fashion

this did.

Canada Bob.

[+Gringo]

Credit to you for going in the first place Bob. You'd never have got me within spitting distance of an event like that. I wouldn't need to make excuses - it would have been a resounding NO.

[Kingsmills]

I spent the first twnty five years of my life being disdainful and ignorant of ballet.

I regarded it as poncy, effite and eliteist.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me along even if the tickets were free. However, about twenty years ago I became infatuated by a female work colleague who I knew was a great fan of the art and it seemed to me that one possible route into her knickers was to feign interest and be bored for two hours.

So, I duly purchesed tickets for Scottish Ballet's production of Cinderella and, despite preparing myself for the battle to stay awake for the duration, found myself absolutely enthralled not just by the production but by the sheer athletisism of the dancers who are all much fitter and more athletic that any professional footballers.

I'm pleased to say that I also received the other reward that has been by original less than savoury motive.

However, that particular pleasure was relatively short lived whereas my love for ballet has endured ever since.

That said, just as there are dire tedious football matches, there are very poor ballet productions that can leave you tempted to leave at half time. It may be Bob that you were simply unlucky and suggest that you try again.

[Glebeict]

  Sign up Canada Bob as Match Reporter. Best this Season.

[Tichy_Blacks_Back]

I second that - good story Bob